letters to Santa

About a week ago I helped the kids write letters to Santa. I think this is the first time we've done this before Christmas Eve. What's the point of writing a letter to Santa on Christmas Eve?? Probably just to say we did it, and Alexis and Tyler never questioned the logic or made the connection that mom is lazy and that's why it never got done sooner. The problem with writing it on Christmas Eve is that the gifts are already bought and Alexis changes her mind daily, so what she asks for on Christmas Eve is most definitely not what will be waiting for her under the tree the next morning. Last year in her note she wrote to Santa that she wanted a Barbie Jeep. She asks for one of those every year--Santa is a bit of a disappointment in that respect.

But this year I realized that if we write our letters early I can tell them that they can't change their minds because they already mailed their letters to Santa. Genius! Why didn't I think of this sooner?
Alexis wrote her letter herself. I kept trying to encourage her to include things about how she's been good this year instead of just asking for stuff, but I think only one little sentence along those lines made it in. There are plenty of exclamation points though!!!
I love Tyler's face when he's concentrating. I wrote his letter for him but he's working hard here to sign his name. Notice he's a lefty--though sometimes he'll write part of the "Y" and then switch hands to write the other part of it.
These letters perfectly capture their different personalities. Tyler is fairly simple and doesn't need a lot of stuff so he only has two things on his list. Alexis is absolutely FULL of ideas. Life with her is a constant snowball effect. She thinks of one thing which spurs 10 more ideas which each spur 10 more ideas and on it goes. Her letter definitely reflects that--I'm just glad she ran out of page.

This year the thing they both want the most is a Pillow Pet. Someone please please please explain to me why this is such a popular item? Jeremy and I originally decided not to get them Pillow Pets, but then we realized that it's the thing they would be most excited to see so we caved. (Which is the main reason I don't want them changing their minds and why we wrote the letters to Santa.) Also on the list: silly bandz and an Easy Bake Oven. All of which I can manage to do!


***Thanks for all the stories and encouragement on the last post. It helped! I intended for that post to be funnier than it seems to have come across as, but oh well. That's what I get for writing on no sleep. I'll probably jinx myself for saying this, but I think things are improving as far as sleep goes. If it really does continue to improve I'll write more about it later.***

tales of the sleepless

Well, it took nearly 6 months but Ryan finally broke me. Last night and early this morning I had my first real sleep deprived sob-fest of his life. Prior to this a tear has been shed here or there over my loss of sleep, but nothing like the snot dripping, body racking, cry as though I've lost everything dear to me kind of sobbing of last night. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that when they've been pushed past the point of exhaustion.

The good news is that I'm definitely maturing as a mother. With Tyler I used to cry like that weekly! (Now you know why there is a gap of almost 4 years between the two boys.)

I wonder if Ryan remembers the time just a few short months ago when he would consistently sleep from 9 pm to 5 am. That was a glorious time! I've pondered and speculated on what could have caused the serious sleep regression that he has undergone, and these are my top four theories. Feel free to cast your vote for the one you think most likely.

1. His considerate nature is keeping him up at night. His good looks, mellow personality, charming smile, kissable cheeks, and fat fat thighs make him too near perfection. Therefore, so as not to shame the other babies of the world, he has elected to be a crappy nighttime sleeper. After all, he can't do anything about all that other stuff.

2. It's my fault. I got cocky a few months ago when I boldly declared to a room full of women the morning after he slept from 9 pm to 7 am, "My baby SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!" And now I am being humbled.

3. I am such an awesome mother that he can't bear to go a long time without seeing me or hearing my voice. Perhaps I'm learning that being too awesome is a curse.

4. He's a baby. It's what babies do. I can't take credit or blame for this, just like a mother of a baby who sleeps through the night at 5 days old can't take credit for that. (Though some of them definitely try to!)


My lack of sleep is definitely a problem, but even more than that are the side effects that come from getting no sleep. Nothing gets done. Dinner never gets made. Dishes pile up. The carpet hasn't been vacuumed since who knows when. I just spilled rice krispies on the counter, they'll probably be there until next week. I lay on the ground all the day long letting my body be used as a trampoline or jungle gym. I'm not shedding the baby weight like I should/could. And my brain feels as though it's been shut off. My thought processes are sluggish and connections are missed. The synapses of my brain used to fire off at a rapidity rate similar to a machine gun in the midst of a battlefield. Now it feels more akin to a lone man in a firing range with a single shot rifle.

Last night, during the 20 minutes that I was asleep, I had a dream that I had a page full of subtraction problems that I needed to solve. It was hard stuff like,
15.5
-30.2
-16.9.
But in my dream I could not figure out how to solve it. I knew I had to line up the decimal points, but I wasn't sure if I was supposed to start solving it from the right or the left. Even now I'm only 68% certain that I start at the right. But the other 42% just isn't sure.

This all may seem contradictory to the post before this one, but it's not. It's all part of the motherhood gig and I still wouldn't trade it. But someday, I would like to sleep again.

I'm not sharing this in hopes of receiving sympathy, advice, or even words of encouragement. I know all too well how quickly this stage passes and I remind myself of that nightly. What I need from you is company. Misery loves it, after all. Most of you reading this are mothers, so share with me your tales of sleep deprivation. Make me laugh--tell me something stupid you did when you were tired. If you can't do that, make me feel sorry for you--I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. And if you can't do that then I suppose a word of encouragement wouldn't hurt. And if you can't do that, then I hope you've at least been able to find something amusing in my situation, as I have tried to do.

pause

Yesterday I was picturing my kids 6 years from now, when they'll be 12, 10, and 6. I'm sure it will be fun and I'm sure I'll appreciate not having to buckle everyone into a car seat all the time, and I'm sure I'll love that Alexis can babysit, but I don't want to be at that stage yet. Amazingly enough, I am happy where I'm at.

I love that Alexis is old enough to dabble in big kid things, like school, but young enough that she still wants me to lay with her at night and talk about her day. I love watching her spend her afternoon jump roping, and improving each day.

I love that Tyler is just learning about letters. I love the disjointed way he writes his name, and the proud smile he has whenever he shows it to me. I love that he's old enough to do most things himself, but still wants me around to watch him do them.

And I love that Ryan is still a squishy little baby. I love that he's discovering his voice and screams happily while playing with his toys. I love that when you hold him he looks around the room with his mouth wide open and his eyes darting here and there, trying to take it all in, and you can just see his brain working behind those eyes. And of course, I love his chubby chubby legs that I squeeze all day long. Everyday I look at him, and then I look at the older two, and I'm reminded how quickly they grow up. How quickly I'll forget just what they were like as a baby--the way they felt in my arms, they way they smelled, even the way they drooled all over me. And when I think of that I almost want to cry (no, I'm not sleeping much, why do you ask?) at the thought of him growing up. If I could pause time, I would do it right now.

The thing about this that I find most remarkable is that I still feel this way after a few of the worst weeks of sleep I've ever gotten. I'm up several (read: 5 or more) times a night with Ryan lately, and Tyler was sick last week and getting up a few times a night as well. But despite all that I still would not trade this for anything. Motherhood is not easy. You give and give and give of yourself until you've got nothing left to give. And even then your kids will keep taking. But what we sometimes forget is that they give back a hundred fold. If you aren't watching for it, you might miss it, but it's there. It's in their hugs and kisses. It's in their curious questions. It's hidden in their pants pockets, among rocks and candy wrappers. It's even in their smudgy finger prints on your wall. And it's definitely in the middle of the night wakings, when the first name they think to call out is "mom". I feel sorry for people who choose to not experience this because they don't want to give up their life luxuries. I pray for people who want this experience but have yet been given that blessing. And I hope that people who are experiencing this but don't recognize it as the blessing it is, will figure it out before they've missed their chance.

Now, I have a little man sitting on my lap that is giving back to me in the cute way he's chewing his Nerds and wondering if he liked milk and rice cereal when he was a baby. He can't understand why he did, but because he's only four he believes anything I tell him. So since I can't pause time I'll do my best to commit his perfect face to memory and not let these moments just pass me by.

I have a lot of problems...

And they all begin with this guy:

(this is his current favorite face to make...he sucks in his bottom lip...
makes him look like a cute goofball)

Problem A
I cannot stop kissing his cheeks. I physically cannot. Whenever I lay him down for a nap I must kiss them at least 5 times each before I leave the room, or I will die. I'm sure of it.

Problem B
I need to tickle these fat chunky thighs and watch the laughing ensue. It's a need at the base of Maslow's hierarchy of needs triangle. I'm sure of it.
Problem C
His smile melts my heart. It is a problem when your heart is a puddle on the ground.

Problem D
His snuggles are too perfect. At night, after he's eaten, I should lay him down. But he snuggles up on my shoulder and falls asleep. His head is just the perfect round shape for me to run my hand over and over and over. And then I imagine all the little babies in the world that don't have mommies to do that to their heads, or to snuggle them late in the night, and it makes me sad--so I snuggle him for another 10 minutes. Then I imagine all the mommies in the world who don't have a babies head to fit perfectly in their palm and it makes me sad, so I snuggle him for another 20 minutes. All this is making me very sleepy, but I can't stop. If I do, I will die. I'm sure of it.

Problem E
This is the worst problem of them all. He is 5 months old and it feels as though I had him yesterday. He's growing up too fast and there's nothing I can do about it. Just this weekend he started rolling from back to front (on purpose), and pretty soon he'll be moving all over the house. Then he'll be running. Then off to school. Then off to college and a mission. And I will die--I'm sure of it.

In conclusion, I am in major love with this little dude. I am left defenseless against his persuasive baby ways, and he gets whatever he wants. Fortunately he isn't too demanding (part of his charm??) so there is part of me left to share with everyone else.


p.s. I'm beginning to think he looks more like my side of the family than Jeremy's, unlike the other two. Any thoughts?

I'm no Dr. Seuss...

Two little pirates and their mother
went pillaging for candy with each other.

Upon many doors did they knock,
around the whole neighborhood did they walk,

Gathering candy from everyone
while having lots of fun!

Then the younger pirate tripped on a curb,
which made his mother quite disturbed.

He fell in a puddle and cut his lip
And was carried home on his mothers hip.

His lip swelled large,
But he was in charge

And insisted on going back out.
To get more candy, no doubt.

The littlest pirate stayed in and was just dandy.
{He prefers milk over candy.}

He watched football with his dad,
and smiled and talked, and never once was bad.

Finally to home did the big pirates scoot,
And dumped out their buckets to examine their loot.

They wanted to eat and eat and eat,
But their parents said, "just a few treats".

Because they didn't want to be up all night with the Comet
cleaning up little kiddie vomit.

Our Halloween really had blood and gore,
What about you? How was yours?

some photos to share

Just thought I'd share some pictures from Tyler's birthday and our short trip to Las Vegas a few weeks ago. Thanks to my dad for taking all of these.

His party was held at a park, and I knew I was taking my chances with the weather. However, it turned out perfectly! I think it was high 60's and sunny. Here's Tyler playing on the playground with some of this good friends. We only invited a handful of kids because I cannot handle the chaos that comes from more than that. Plus Tyler gets too overwhelmed when there are a lot of kids around, and I wanted him to enjoy his party without feeling stressed.
Before his party I made "dinosaur eggs" out of paper mache. They didn't turn out quite as I pictured, but fortunately kids have great imaginations. We hid them around the park and then after they each found one they got to decorate them. Then when they took them home they were supposed to crack them open to find their prizes.
Opening presents
At the end Jeremy had all the kids line up with their legs apart to make a "Spanking Machine". Then Tyler crawled through all their legs and they spanked him when he passed by. It was really cute!
As far as presents go we didn't get him much, but what we did get him both he and Jeremy were pretty excited about. It's a model Rhino. It's even black, just like ours.


Two days later we drove down to Las Vegas for the blessing of this little girl, Celeste:
While I have 6 nieces and nephews on Jeremy's side, this is my first on mine. She was born the beginning of September and she is just tiny and precious. She's one of those babies that I think looks very girly--it's probably her lips. Those she gets from her mom, but her eyes are all her dad.

Aren't they a cute little family? I love this picture because Celeste has her arms up under her chin, I love it when babies do that!
My whole family, with the exception of Peter. The guy next to my brother Aaron is my sister Rachel's fiance, Nick.
Family tradition: goofy picture after the normal one. Not everyone got the memo.
Just the kids and the grandkids.
Then we took some with Ryan and Celeste, he's just 3 months older than her. But he's extremely large and she's extremely petite.
He had his legs up through the majority of the photo shoot, but if you had his thighs you would too.

Wait. No..you probably wouldn't.

Halloween pasts

You know how there are a lot of things that you don't appreciate as a kid but later learn to as an adult?

This post is about one of those things.

A few nights ago I went on a tirade against modern day Halloween. I was spouting off about how it's such a shame that costumes all seem to be store bought, and it's to the point that kids are embarrassed to wear homemade costumes.

"What happened to the good old days of just gathering whatever crap you had lying around your house and throwing it together into a costume?" I spouted to Jeremy.

The irony of my tirade will probably become apparent in the following pictures. I too, as a child, was sometimes embarrassed to wear a homemade costume. Sorry to say it Mom, though I'm sure you aren't surprised.

Here I am, 5 years old, dressed as a pumpkin. Some butcher paper and a stapler. And whatever that thing is on my head. My younger brother there in the middle is a devil--this is a recurring theme. My older brother--well, what is that?

Here's the next year, 1988. My older brother is a tourist, I especially love the sunblock on his nose. We've got a little Super girl down there, and again the Devil. I'm pretty sure he's the only one that ever got to pick what he wanted to be for Halloween. And then there's me--this costume is recycled from the previous year. Tic-tac-toe drawn on my face, fuzzy dice earrings, a deck of playing cards glued to a headband, a checkerboard in front and who even knows what was in back. Do we have a name for this costume? I'm pretty sure this falls under the "gathering whatever crap you had lying around your house and throwing it together into a costume" category.

Here's an example of some store bought costumes, frankly I don't think they're any better than the ones my mom made us. Notice my younger brother as a devil, again.

This time he's a ninja. That's a little better I guess. My sister is a witch and I'm the Queen of Hearts. This is 1991, I think my mom gave up trying to make costumes because she couldn't top the previous year. Keep on reading, you don't want to miss the previous year.

1990--the picture below. My older brother was 9, I was 8, my younger brother was 6, and my sister was 4.

Obviously we have a well wrapped mummy and two ninja turtles--Donatello and Raphael. I can clearly see kids asking to be those three things. What I can't see, and I'm pretty sure didn't happen, was me asking to be what I was dressed as that year. I'll give you a minute to guess. I'm wearing a skirt, an over sized sweater, and gigantic red rimmed glasses. Oh, and I'm carrying a log. A LOG! As in, a piece of wood that you put in your fireplace.


You can't guess? In 1990 there was a show called Twin Peaks that my parents watched. I never did because I think I saw a minute of it once and thought it was scary. But on the show there was a character that I only know of as the "Log Lady". As far as I know she was a creepy lady that carried around logs. That is what I dressed as for Halloween when I was 8 years old. And for Christmas that year I probably asked for a foot bath. Just so you know, I did carry that log with me while trick-or-treating. I figured it explained the costume and without it I just looked like a grandma. I'm not positive, but I think dressing up like a grandma for Halloween is even worse than dressing up as the Log Lady.

So, what do I now appreciate that I didn't as a kid?
1. All the effort my mom put into making creative costumes, something different than other kids were wearing.
2. The fact that a few short years after these pictures were taken my mom called it quits and just started buying us candy the day after Halloween when it was on clearance, so that she wouldn't have to make costumes and take us trick-or-treating. How many years until I'm allowed to do that?
3.The Log Lady costume. Yes, I think I actually appreciate it now. Though that log really was heavy!

And at the same time, I do appreciate store bought costumes. It makes all of our lives easier--and a little less embarrassing.

Octoberlicious

A miracle has occurred and I have a minute to sit down and blog! The month of October has absolutely flown by, and I just realized that I have one week to figure out Halloween costumes and come up with some sort of game or craft to do at Alexis' class Halloween party.

Last week we had Tyler's birthday and a quick trip to Las Vegas to visit my brother, sister-in-law and BRAND NEW niece. Pictures of all that to come soon. Since we've been back I've worked hard to get the house back into some sort of order because it was beyond crazy for awhile there. On Tuesday I scrubbed my kitchen floor, on hands and knees for at least an hour. ONE HOUR! I can think of many, many other things I'd rather do for an hour, but it badly needed it.

So here's a bunch of random stuff about our October that I feel like sharing.

We took another cousin picture with all the kids on Jeremy's side of the family. This always proves to be a difficult task, but fun too. For those of you who know his family and are interested in who all these kids belong to, let me tell you.

To the left of Alexis are Melanie's three boys: Mason (5), Peyton (3), and Tanner (6 months). To the right of Tyler is Shelise's daughter, Kylee (2) and her son Dallin (5). Dallin is holding Justin's daughter Katelyn (7 months).
I cannot express how happy it makes me that my kids have cousins they see often and that they love to play with. I did not have the same growing up, and I'm so glad they can.

Here's a shot of the three babies. Heaven help us all in about a year when they start stealing toys from each other and generally acting crazy, as 1 1/2 year olds do. And Heaven help Katelyn in about 3 years when Ryan mauls her every chance he gets (that is, if he grows up to be anything like Tyler).
Ryan seems to have pinned his arm under his torso and can't push himself up. These are the kinds of trials you endure when you weigh one zillion pounds.

Actually, he weighs 19 pounds. That is 97%, my friends. He is by far my biggest baby, and also my baldest. He had hair, it was blond and hard to see, but it just grew in wisps and definitely not even across his head, so I told Jeremy that I was finally on board with him buzzing it. He jumped at that and yesterday while I was at the store he buzzed it all off. He looks much better, but you have to look at him closely to even notice that he has hair. Jeremy didn't save any of the hair for his baby book, he just washed it down the drain. So we will pretend that it was not his first haircut. Does that even count as a first haircut anyway?

I just finished reading a doozy of a book called "Follow the River", the author is listed over there on my side bar. And when I say it's a doozy, I mean it. Don't read it if you are pregnant, have a newborn, or are particularly emotional. There were many times I thought about quitting, but it's our book club book for the month, so I forged ahead. I'm glad I did, but it seriously saddened me.

Does this picture scare you? It scares me.
That's a place in St. George that I know of as "The Crack". Here's a picture of my sister-in-law, Shandy, and I in it, taken from above. That was a few years ago.This last weekend we stopped here on the way home from Vegas to let the kids run around. I tried to go through it with Alexis, but I didn't fit. She likes to point out that I've gotten fatter. While that's true, that's not why I can't fit--it's actually because I'm a nursing mother. Too much information for you? Sorry.

I love this picture because it makes Alexis and Tyler look like they're the same size. Alexis is actually taller than Tyler, but I doubt she will be for much longer.
Also, Tyler is wearing Dickies shorts that Jeremy found at Wal-Mart for $4. I love them because they are tough and durable, and cute. Also, Jeremy has about 500 of those shorts in his size, so now Tyler really is just like his daddy.

Are you still reading, or have I bored everyone to sleep? This last thing is the cutest story yet. Every morning when I pack Alexis' lunch I write a little note on her napkin. I'm proud to say I haven't missed a day yet. If Jeremy makes the lunch he even humors me and writes a note for her. Sometimes I get fancy and write a poem or a riddle or draw a picture, but more often than not I just tell her how great she is or say something like "Have a marvelous Monday (Terrific Tuesday, Wonderful Wednesday, etc.)! Love Mom". Alexis seems to really like this and some days she comes home with the napkin carefully folded up and put somewhere safe because she liked that particular one so much. Well, I noticed her working on something last night and this morning, and before she went to school she told me I could look in this paper sack after she left. When I did, this is what I found:

A jello cup, a granola bar and a napkin that says, "Have a Thantastick Thursday! Mom! Love Alexis". It made my day, especially because yesterday I was feeling like a jerk of a mom. The best part is that she knows the word Fantastic begins with an F, but she wanted to make up a word to go with the Th in Thursday. What a clever girl!

Now I hope you all have a Thantastick Thursday as well! Anyone want to trade me their cookie for my jello cup??

Tig

It's been a busy week, and this next week is going to be even busier, but I was looking at pictures that encouraged me to write a bit about my Ty-guy.

He'll be 4 on Wednesday. Like all birthdays my children have, this one has crept up on me and I simply cannot believe he is really 4. I still think of him as my baby (even though I have an actual other baby) but he in fact isn't a baby. He is less snuggly. He doesn't kiss me and hug me like he used to. He knows things only big kids know. He can ride a bike with no training wheels. He knows how to use a mouse and an iTouch. He can sit and listen to long books. He knows songs--though he won't sing them. He is really getting old.

Here are four recent pictures that show so well who Tyler is.

This first was taken last weekend as we celebrated all the October birthdays in Jeremy's family-Tyler, Ashley and Mike. See the face Tyler is making? That's the face he makes when people are looking at him and he's gotten shy. He sticks his tongue out like that and makes a funny little smile. He also does it if he thinks you are laughing at him.

Here he is playing a dinosaur game that his grandma gave him. He loves his dad, and he loves dinosaurs. Therefore, this is like heaven for him.

Worn hole in his pajamas--toe sticking out. Raggedy nails (please don't judge me for those), and dirty toes. Plus a fist full of silly bands.

Unfortunately this picture represents his mood lately. Tyler has a very sweet heart, but lately he's been a handful. His primary leader said it best today, "He is the sweetest boy. He's just very sweet. But he is still a boy!" We've experienced a lot of changes lately and he seems to be taking them the hardest. Unfortunately he has a serious case of middle child syndrome going on. I'm doing my best to rectify the situation, so hopefully things will change soon. But lately his face looks like this a lot.

But despite that look that I see a lot, I love having Tyler around me all day. Sometimes he gets bored, sometimes he gets whiny, but mostly he says funny stuff, he takes good care of his brother, he asks a lot of good questions (in his really cute voice and with his funny inflections), and he points out the obvious--which is always fun. He also doesn't seem to mind that we've given him about 30 weird nicknames (Ty-guy, Tig, Tiggle, Tiggy, Tiggy Wig, etc.).


Ah, that's better. Who could not love that face?

The thing I know as sure as day, is that our family would be nowhere near as great if Tyler weren't a part of it. He's shown us that every single day for the last four years!

nightstands!

Remember a few weeks ago I showed you the bed Jeremy built and I mentioned that he was going to build nightstands next? Well, here they are.

Jeremy wanted me to make sure I give credit to the website where he got the plans. This website has hundreds of free plans, so if you've ever wanted to try your hand at building something, we'd recommend this site:

Ana White

Here's a direct link to the plans for the bed, and here's the link for the nightstands (Jeremy changed the measurements for ours).


Needless to say, I LOVE my bedroom furniture now (with the exception of the dresser), and it's amazing how I actually want to make my bed now!

As a side note:
I was only going to post two of these pictures, but Jeremy likes all three and his response to that was, "You post a million pictures on your blog but you can't just post three pictures for me?"

I suppose I can, but he better not ask for anything else for at least a year--he is getting extremely demanding!