Friday, November 21
Today would be my brother's 28th birthday. Forgive me for writing about it again, but it tends to be an emotional day for all the members of my family, and it's where all my spare thoughts are today. I don't talk about these things much, mostly for fear of making people uncomfortable, but the written word is easier because I can't see you squirming in your seats. You can relax though, I'm not going to cry cyber tears.
I don't visit the cemetery where Peter is buried very often--mostly because it's a 45 minute drive from my home. But that long drive, the thing that hinders frequent visits, is the same thing that makes the visits more worthwhile. That drive gives me time to think about my brother, to think about his life and the way he was. One of the fears for people who lose loved ones is that other people will forget that person as time goes by. And while that may or may not happen, there are several people who will never forget Peter. I am one of those people. With time I may forget some of his mannerisms or the sound of his laugh, but I will never forget the essence of who he was, who he still is. And so on my drive I think about his kindness, his sense of humor, his love of music, and his love for people. My thoughts eventually turn from his old life to his life now. I wonder what he's doing and what he's like. Does he know we miss him? Does he miss us or is his perspective beyond that? There are so many unknowns, that someday will be made clear.
But one thing is clear to me. I want my kids to have what I had--what I still have with my other siblings. I want them to be kind to each other, I want them to be best friends. I want them to have fun together, to lean on each other, and to want to be together for eternity.
While I'm not 100% sure how to develop this relationship, Jeremy and I are trying. And I think so far, we've done a pretty good job. It warms my heart to no end to see Alexis and Tyler play together, or even fight together, as long as they are interacting with each other. No relationship is perfect, but most are worth working on. Especially when there is so much potential to learn and grow from another person, and I hope someday my kids understand that.
And if Peter is by chance keeping on eye on us, I'd just like to say, Sorry for the pink flowers, Alexis picked them out. But actually, you kind of like them don't you?
Some of you reading this knew Peter, and if you feel so inclined and want to share a memory of him, I know my whole family would love to hear them. If not, that's fine too. Sometimes memories are sacred.