Sunday, January 5

a resolution?

I was reading through some of my old posts on this poorly neglected blog this past week and I realized how grateful I am that I've written here.  I read so many things that I had forgotten, that I (of course) never thought I would forget.  And I resolved to myself that I would do better about writing on here, whether or not anyone else is reading.  When I write here, I write about the good parts of being a mom.  I know there's more to me than just being a mom, but I think I write the most about that part of my life because it's the part the needs constant vigilance to see the good.  It's no secret that being the mom is hard, and if I don't choose to focus on the good, the hard and frustrating parts can sneak to the front and make it harder to find the joy in being a mother.

A few days ago I found myself feeling really sad about the fact that Connor was already six months old.  He's started to do the really fun tricks: getting up on his hands and toes, rocking his body while on his hands and knees, trying to move forward, rolling over both directions, and sitting up.  They are such fun things, but they always make me realize that my baby is changing from a little baby to a big baby.  I started to think I was so sad because Connor is my last baby (according to my current plans), and it means I'm finally moving out of the baby stage of parenting. But then I read through my old posts from when Ryan was the same age, and I realized it's just what I do--with each baby I get a little sad when they start to move.  It only lasts for a short time, and then I remember all the fun that lies ahead.  I've come to see that sadness is a necessary feeling.  It makes me appreciate the stage I'm in before it really is gone for good.  As a result, I appreciate each time Connor still rests his little head on my shoulder, and each (rare) time I get to hold his sleeping body in my arms.  It makes me appreciate the times in my day when I have to sit down and nurse him, even if I think I'd rather be doing something else.  It's taken me four children to get here, but I've learned that it really is a privilege to be a mom of a baby.  It lasts for such a short time, and I intend to enjoy every last second of it. 

 P.S. Christmas happened.  It was awesome.  I've said it before, but Christmas with kids is really the greatest thing ever.  All the work is worth it to see their faces and hear their exclamations on Christmas morning.

Also, this is my new favorite family picture (taken at an Ugly Sweater Party).


Scooby and Jon said...

Love the ugly sweater pic!

Sarah said...

Hurray for the update and the resolution to keep writing!

Sorry you're at the stage of Conner's stage changing. I go through the same. I agree that it make you appreciate and slow down, before looking forward to the good in the next.

Love the last family picture, too. But, having been raised a Utes fan, I don't know if I can agree with Jeremy's choice of color for the night. :)