time

Time is such a strange thing, don't you think? Often I feel overwhelmed with too much time, while later I can feel like time is too elusive.

During the week, when I'm in the throes of a fit, or entrenched with whining, when I'm doing it all alone, I feel like there is too much time. But on the weekends, and in the evenings, when I have a companion, time seems to go by so quickly, as if there are less hours in a Saturday than there are in a Monday.

In the summer, even though there are more hours of daylight, time seems to move by quicker--there's never enough time for me to fully enjoy the weather, the outdoors, the sunshine. But then in the winter time moves so slowly, one day feels like ten.

But whether it's moving too quickly or just crawling along, time is a healer and a changer. If something is amiss, generally you just have to give it time.

Time also ages us. It can age us mentally and physically, but it doesn't usually do both at the same rate. Think of a person who is a child in body, but in mind is really an adult because the times they've had in their life has aged them quickly. Then there are those who seem to be able to resist time and will forever seem young, even if their body gets old.

Time helps us change our thoughts and our actions. Lately I've noticed that I've managed to drop some of the insecurities I developed in high school. Time has helped me realize that I'm not the same person I was as a teenager (thank goodness for that). I don't have to prove myself to anyone but myself. I don't need to waste time thinking about if I'm good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or talented enough. Maybe I had time for that in high school (even though I'm sure it could have been better spent), but I don't have time for it now. I don't know when this change came about, but it came with time.

Time can turn a sad event into a blessed one. Like the thought of Alexis starting kindergarten. But it can also turn the blessed event back into a sad one. Like the fact that starting kindergarten is just one step closer to growing up.

Time can be wasted just as well as it can be effectively used. I guess because we think we'll always have more of it, so we don't use it as well as we can. Like writing this blog post at the beginning of nap time--I think there will be plenty of it. But in an hour I'll remember that nap time is limited.

All this to say that time and life seems to be moving way too fast for me right now--it seems I try and try but can barely keep up. The house is a mess, family time is scarce, friendships are slightly neglected. So sorry if you don't hear much from me, I'll try to do better.

I suppose it would help if I didn't spend 10 hours a week at the pool...but that's not going to change right now.

Give it time.