siblings

Today would be my brother's 28th birthday. Forgive me for writing about it again, but it tends to be an emotional day for all the members of my family, and it's where all my spare thoughts are today. I don't talk about these things much, mostly for fear of making people uncomfortable, but the written word is easier because I can't see you squirming in your seats. You can relax though, I'm not going to cry cyber tears.


I don't visit the cemetery where Peter is buried very often--mostly because it's a 45 minute drive from my home. But that long drive, the thing that hinders frequent visits, is the same thing that makes the visits more worthwhile. That drive gives me time to think about my brother, to think about his life and the way he was. One of the fears for people who lose loved ones is that other people will forget that person as time goes by. And while that may or may not happen, there are several people who will never forget Peter. I am one of those people. With time I may forget some of his mannerisms or the sound of his laugh, but I will never forget the essence of who he was, who he still is. And so on my drive I think about his kindness, his sense of humor, his love of music, and his love for people. My thoughts eventually turn from his old life to his life now. I wonder what he's doing and what he's like. Does he know we miss him? Does he miss us or is his perspective beyond that? There are so many unknowns, that someday will be made clear.

But one thing is clear to me. I want my kids to have what I had--what I still have with my other siblings. I want them to be kind to each other, I want them to be best friends. I want them to have fun together, to lean on each other, and to want to be together for eternity.


While I'm not 100% sure how to develop this relationship, Jeremy and I are trying. And I think so far, we've done a pretty good job. It warms my heart to no end to see Alexis and Tyler play together, or even fight together, as long as they are interacting with each other. No relationship is perfect, but most are worth working on. Especially when there is so much potential to learn and grow from another person, and I hope someday my kids understand that.


And if Peter is by chance keeping on eye on us, I'd just like to say, Sorry for the pink flowers, Alexis picked them out. But actually, you kind of like them don't you?

Some of you reading this knew Peter, and if you feel so inclined and want to share a memory of him, I know my whole family would love to hear them. If not, that's fine too. Sometimes memories are sacred.

santa's got it rough this year

Christmas is going to be interesting this year. Actually it will be more like Christmas should be: less focus on gifts and more focus on the real meaning of Christmas, if I do my job right. Money wise, things have gotten tighter around here (as they have for most people lately) and so we're making adjustments. Fortunately Jeremy's a frugal guy and he's slowly teaching me his ways. I'm what you'd call a casual spender--someone who's not too crazy, but who buys what she wants when she wants it. I don't go into debt for things, but if I've got the money laying around, I spend it. So in the past I was a little more relaxed about the price of kids toys. Now things have had to change.

Alexis told me what she wants for Christmas--or at least what her fall back option is. She wants the Baby Alive doll that pees in it's own little potty. Guess how much it costs? $60. That's right, sixty. I knew my ways had changed when my first reaction to the price was, "For $60 that thing better produce REAL pee!" (As if we really need more of that around here.) I'm pretty sure she won't be getting that for Christmas, not even from Santa. Which is good because it's really creepy looking.

Her first option for Christmas, her true hearts desire, was one of those Barbie Power Wheel Jeeps, which Santa is definitely not bringing her. I kept trying to tell her that I didn't think Santa would bring it, but she's got so much faith in the jolly old guy that she was convinced he would. I was left with no choice but to tell her the truth.

"Honey," I said, "Here's why Santa's not bringing you the Jeep. You see, the North Pole is in a recession. Santa had to lay off 40% of his elves, and the first to go were the ones that made the Jeeps. And even if he hadn't, Santa would not have room in his sleigh to bring you the Jeep. The price of reindeer food has gone up so much that Santa cut back to 4 reindeer and converted to a more compact sleigh, so he can't carry as much stuff as he used to. You'll just have to ask for something else."

Actually I just told her that Santa didn't have enough money because he has to buy lots of kids toys, but I wish I had thought of that sooner. However, Alexis, being the thinker she is, came up with a solution to the problem.

"I know! Santa will bring me the Baby Alive doll and you and daddy can get me the Jeep!"

decisions

I do not like making decisions. My goodness, I do not like it! (Although I did just decide that the phrase "my goodness" makes me sound like I'm 85). I tend to be more of an emotional thinker rather than an analytical thinker, so if I don't have a gut reaction to something, it is hard for me to decide. And the only time I have gut reactions are when I'm picking out fabrics, you know, the really important stuff. Also, I have a hard time making decisions because I usually just don't care, I'm laid back and flexible. I'd rather have other people decide for me and then I'll just live with the outcome. I know, some of you are just shuddering at that thought. So, some things I have to decide.

1. Should I cancel DISH Network, go with the cheaper plan, or do nothing?

2. Should I take Tyler to a dentist (for his swollen gum), his pediatrician, or do nothing?

3. Should I cut my hair short or keep it long?

4. Should I go to pack meeting, leave early and go to tithing settlement, or just skip pack meeting?

5. WHAT SHOULD I MAKE FOR DINNER? Tonight, tomorrow, forever.

6. Should I quit blogging because I seem to be having a brain fart and have nothing interesting to say?

7. Should I jump in the shower now and pretend I didn't just hear Tyler waking up, or should I wait?

8. Should I delete this or post this?

You tell me, what should I do?

siiiick

I've tried two or three different ways to start this post, but none of them are right. They all make me sound really whiny and ungrateful. While what I was trying to say is that I'm grateful to not be sick anymore. So...

I AM GRATEFUL TO NOT BE SICK ANYMORE.
I AM GRATEFUL NO ONE IN MY HOUSE IS SICK.

But mysteries of mysteries, Tyler woke up with a swollen top lip again this morning.

What. A. Weirdo.

Sorry I've been off my posting game lately, I blame it on the sickness that has run rampant through our house. And sorry if that last video of Tyler was too boring for you all, but I really loved it. He had just woken up from a nap and was laying on my lap being all sweet.

I'll try to do better next week. I'll spend all weekend thinking of something funny to say, because I know you guys don't come here for my looks.

Wordless Wednesday

noon--my day so far

Since 4 AM this morning:
I've had little sleep.
I've done four loads of laundry.
Tyler's precious blanket has been washed in 3 of those loads.
My precious Tyler has had 3 baths/showers.
The smell of throw up and diarrhea has been permanently burned into my nose. And probably every fabric in my home.


The way I see it, when you get thrown up on you have a few choices.
1. Cry
2. Also throw up
3. Leave town
4. Laugh and have your four year old take pictures. Then try and find all the positives in the situation.

I chose option 4, and in case you were wondering what the positives are, let me tell you.
-I have a washer and dryer in my home, so I'm not taking all this smelly laundry to a laundromat.
-Tyler has only (so far) thrown up on things that are easily cleaned (ie sheets, kitchen floor, MY HAIR) and not my living room carpet, which you'll remember I just cleaned a week ago.
-Tyler's running around happy as can be and not laying miserably on the couch.
-I have great friends (which includes my mom) who listen to me whine about this, and help point out the positives.
-I have a blog to complain on, thus saving Jeremy from having to hear it all. But you can bet I'll be emailing him some pictures at work.
-Being thrown up on forced me to take a shower, when otherwise who knows how long it would have been before I made it there.
-Tyler has a wonderful sister who thought all on her own to bring him toys in the shower because she knew he didn't feel good.
-It's raining outside, so I wouldn't have been going many places anyway! And now I get to sit here and listen to Tyler tell me "flows yours eyes" and "open yours mouth" while he shines a light all over my face.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go lay tarps all over my living room floor. And I only wish I were kidding about that.

some tidbits

*Lately Tyler poops at least 5 times a day. I am not exaggerating--the kid is a poop factory. So do the math. AT LEAST 5 diapers a day (times) 7 days a week (equals) 35 diapers a week. And that's a minimum people. It's breaking the bank, at a time when the bank is already at breaking point.

*Kneaders has some pretty awesome french toast and syrup, all you can eat too. And having breakfast with a friend without your kids on a Saturday morning is a great way to kick off your weekend.

*When you wear a swimsuit everyday of the summer you start to get used to how you look in a swimsuit and you are less self-conscious. But when you put a swimsuit on during a random day in November, you really don't feel so great about it.

*Working in the yard is fun. And I really want a yard with trees.

*Politics are annoying.

*Daylight Savings took a whole week, but finally decided to show up with the crappy side effects.

*I like wearing black nail polish on my fingernails.

*Kids do not need NEW toys or movies or books. They can't tell the difference and in about a week it all looks as used as it possibly can anyway.

*Tyler says "Happy to you!" when he means "Happy Birthday to you!" and it is...you guessed it...really cute!

*Alexis is growing up way too fast. And loves her new dress and feels so pretty in it. She made that clear with the dance she did after trying it on.

*Jeremy did Alexis' (and Tyler's) hair for church today, and it looked better than it does 90% of the week.

*I think I may like gelato better than ice cream.

*I get two hours to myself this week while a friend watches my kids. If she weren't such a nice person I would secretly hope that Tyler poops while he's there so I don't have to change it. But instead I openly hope that he does not.

*My house is much prettier when clean.

*Tomorrow is November 10th, and I don't even know where October went.

rambling

I woke up this morning to Tyler's crying. All he wanted was his blanket, so after giving it to him I foolishly headed back to bed, thinking he would go back to sleep. On my way back I noticed the snow outside, which was a surprise to me, and after seeing all that snow, sleep was not an option. See, snow and I are not friends. And when it shows up unexpectedly like that, it ruins my day. So I lay in bed thinking about what I was going to do with my kids cooped up inside all day, expecting to have a pretty awful day. But do you know what? My day turned out very awesome.

First we had some really fun friends come over for a visit and lunch. As soon as they were out the door Alexis said, "Now we can go out and play in the snow!" Since the sun had broken through by that point we bundled up and headed out.


Alexis LOVES the snow, and when you are around her in the snow, her affection for it is contagious. She was throwing snowballs and making snow angels and building snowmen with grape eyes, and generally loving every minute of it. So I decided since the snow was here, I was already out in it, the sun was actually shining, and Tyler was wearing pink snow boots, I might as well just embrace it. You'll never guess what happened next.

Here's me embracing the snow...hardy har har

I LIKED it--I became friends with the snow. At least for today. I don't expect our friendship to last through the cooler temperatures, but today I enjoyed it. And I only have my kids to thank. Once again they forced me to open up and do something I didn't want to do. And because of it I enjoyed one of the best days I've had with my kids in a while.

Because after that we had a visit from my parents, and that was fun too. Alexis was being very sweet and saying all sorts of grown-up things.

And then we had waffles for dinner.

And then we had Family Home Evening (a few days late...) and read scriptures and colored pictures together.

And then we popped popcorn and ate it in the kitchen, our fingers slimy with butter. And I told Alexis a "scary" story about a boy who ate a popcorn kernel and it popped in his stomach and made his stomach big and popcorn shaped. After which she threw away every kernel she came across.

And then we sat in the living room in the dark, the kids snuggled up together on one end of the couch, while Alexis and Jeremy took turns telling more "scary" stories. In the background a CD of a pianist covering Metallica songs was playing, and I just sat there watching my little family and feeling so blessed. Why someone as imperfect as me ended up with the two most perfect children created and a pretty rockin' husband is something I'll never know or understand. And while my love and gratitude for them all is inexpressible, I will say that another blessing is having days like today that open my eyes and make me realize the good that is in my life. I only wish that I could make every day more like today because it has been the exact definition of heaven on earth.

And then as if it wasn't already wonderful, we ended the evening with a full moon...and I'm not talking about the one outside. More like the one that comes from a really really saggy diaper.

Wordless Wednesday

clean

Saturday afternoon I spent cleaning the carpets in the living room and dining room. I have two things to say:

1. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
2. Thank you Mom!

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Also, don't forget to go vote tomorrow! And if you live in Utah, please don't vote for this guy. There's already enough crazies running--or potentially running--this country.