a tale of two sisters

Once upon a time in a beautiful far away place called the West Coast, there lived a family with two little girls. The older one was named Lisa, and the younger they called Rachel (I swear, I just made up these names). Lisa loved to play with dolls, especially Barbie's. She would dress Barbie up, fix her hair, and send her out shopping with her friends, or occasionally on a date with Ken. And while she would braid Barbie's hair or put it in pretty ponytails, she never once cut it. She understood that it wouldn't grow back, and she was uncomfortable with making that sort of permanent change. But as Lisa grew older she started to outgrow her dolls, so her younger sister Rachel got to play with them. Rachel, to put it kindly, was a mutilator. Not only did she like to cut Barbie's hair, and rarely clothe her, she also applied "make-up" and "tattoo's" with pen that doesn't wash off! That saddened Lisa, but it was bearable. What happened next was not as easy for Lisa to forget. See this cute doll that looks like she swallowed a cassette player?

That's Cricket. Lisa adored her! She talked, and had pretty blond hair and blue eyes, just like Lisa. She even almost weighed as much as Lisa. Lisa would sit Cricket in her chair, with her legs together since she was wearing a skirt, and listen to her stories, even though she always told the same ones. Lisa always took very good care of Cricket... but then Rachel got her hands on her and I think we all know what happened. Cricket went from sweet, preppy, tennis playing Cricket, to short haired, tattooed, rock and roll loving Cricket. Lisa never fully recovered from it.

What spurred this memory and lament?

Today Alexis asks, while playing with her naked Barbie , "Mom, can I have my scissors to cut Barbie's pony tail?"

Sounds like we better hide the scissors next time Aunt Rachel comes over.


*if you want to learn more about the Cricket doll, or see more of her clothing options, visit here.
*Lisa loves her sister Rachel and means all of this in fun.

do these things come with an off switch?

Often times I'll look at Jeremy and ask, "what are you thinking?" His reply is usually an astoundingly casual "nothing". It amazes me every time because I can't remember a time when I thought "nothing"--my brain is always moving. I'm not saying that in a taunting 5 year-old "nay-neh, nay-neh, nay-neh, I'm smarter than you are" way. Because I'm not, he's my better half and that includes the brains. We're just different personalities, I'm too much of an analyzer, and he's more relaxed. I wish I were more like him though, because then I could fall asleep in a matter of seconds rather than the agonizingly long time it usually takes me.

No matter how exhausted I am, it always always ALWAYS takes me a long time to fall asleep because my brain just won't shut up and shut down. The really annoying thing about it is that I come up with some of my worst ideas ever at night, which always sound really great until light of day hits. Example. When I was in 6th grade I had a crush on a boy who I knew, but not very well. I decided that the next time I passed him at recess and he was with his friends and I was with mine, I would wink at him. A little token from me to him, that no one else would notice, but would get him thinking about me. Yeah, a wink would be perfect. I was so excited about my plan, I stayed up for hours thinking about it and lost some much needed sanity-restoring sleep.

Then morning came and reality struck. It was a horrible plan, for many many reasons.
One. I'm a terrible winker. I can't do it without moving my mouth and half closing my other eye. He probably would have thought I was having a seizure rather than winking.
Two. What eleven year old boy at RECESS is going to notice some dumb girl winking at him? A seizure maybe, but probably not a wink.
Three. What if he did notice and decided to act on my very alluring wink?! I wasn't allowed to date. And...
Four. I was still scared of boys despite what my crazy night mind tried to believe otherwise.

Fortunately my alter ego of the morning saved me from that disastrous situation, and many others like it. So seriously. Before I concoct another assortment of ways to embarrass myself, can I please get some sleep? Who's got the NyQuil?

ack!

I just watched this video I made just before Tyler turned one because I haven't watched it since I made it, and...

...it made me baby hungry. Just the teensiest bit.

No one tell Jeremy. I'll go lie down and think of the pee I just had to clean off the carpet in Alexis' room and the feeling will pass. And if it doesn't it sure will when Jeremy reads this and then proceeds to remind me of all the reasons I gave him during the first 9 months of Tyler's life about why I'd never have another baby.

But everyone knows you should never listen to a post-partum woman.

jeremy says weird things

J and I were just watching a news story about a wild moose wandering around town. While talking about it Jeremy said "something something something meese". Yes. Meese. As in, more than one moose is meese. Now I don't really mean to embarrass him but I was laughing so hard that I just had to share this. I kept asking him, "are you joking? Do you really think the plural of moose is meese?" He was laughing too, but he really does think the plural of moose is meese. If you are confused at this point, let me just tell you the plural of moose is MOOSE. Not meese, not mooses, just moose. It's one of the few words in the english language that doesn't change in plural form. He said his dad taught him that so either Mike needs to read this or else he was playing one of those mean parenting tricks where you teach the kid the wrong word because it's funny, and then he never corrected him.

Jeremy also says "squoozed"--I'm not even sure how you would spell that. For the past tense of squeeze, instead of saying squeezed, he says squoozed. And what's funny about that is that if you are doing it for the past tense, than it should just be squooze, if it really were a word. But he adds the unnecessary "ed" and says "squoozed". And what's even funnier is that I've heard several other people say it too. Geesh.

Also, instead of saying "let's pants him" he says, "let's depants him". Which I think is very weird, because I say pants. But I looked that one up and I think he might be right. I'll put up a few polls and see what people think about all this.

And if anyone out there is feeling like a bad person, here's proof that I'm worse.
I put Tyler's hair in a pony tail. And liked it. And took several pictures of it. And told him he looked pretty. And left it in all night. And I want to do it again!

the worst word in the english language

Any guesses? If you have a toddler you might know.

Why

*groan*
Now you are going to ask it: "Why?"
Really? Couldn't you have said, "how come", or "please explain yourself"?

I am going insane.

Why?

Because Alexis is going through a phase and says that horrible word A LOT.

Why?

Because she's three and she's curious.

Oh, like George is curious. Why is she curious and why is George curious?

Because he likes to learn about everything he sees, and so does Alexis.

Why is he a monkey and Alexis is a girl?

Because that's how he was born.

Why is Alexis a girl?

Because that's how she was born.

Why?

Because Heavenly Father made her that way.

Why?

Because he knew she'd be a good girl.

Why is she a good girl?

Because she eats all her dinner and she never asks her mom why again.

Why?

Because mom is tired of using her brain.

Why?

Because she is getting old and it can't keep up with the constant stream of chatter and rapid fire questions.

Why?

BECAUSE! Now, quick, go find your brother.

Why?

If you love me, send me some pop tarts

I got out of bed this morning very reluctantly. I didn't sleep well last night--Tyler woke up a quadrazillion times and I had a bad dream that I was being eaten by a cougar. Actually Alexis was being eaten by a cougar, which is way worse. And I'm feeling slightly under the weather, which is bad because the weather right now is pretty crappy. But I got up looking forward to one thing: brown sugar and cinnamon pop tarts. The best pop tart EVER made. I was especially excited because yesterday I was fasting so I didn't get to have them, the biggest sacrifice of the day. So I came downstairs, grabbed a package of pop tarts, and counted the remaining packages. 1, 2, 3, and a 1/2. 3 more good mornings this week, unless I have to share with Tyler. I put the pop tarts in the toaster, turned it up slightly, and ran upstairs to get a few things. I was overcome with joy at the smell of the cooking pop tart as I came down the stairs. But as soon as I saw the streams of smoke coming from the toaster I let out a terror stricken "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". I had burnt my pop tarts.

Fine. I wasn't going to let it ruin my morning. I went to the pantry, got another package, counted, 1, 2 and a 1/2, that's not so bad. I put another set in, turned down the toaster, and got on the computer to finish up some things for Alexis' school today. After a few minutes the smell of burnt pop tarts hit my nose. I thought I couldn't have done it again, it's just a lingering smell, but I turned around and realized I was wrong. I had burnt 4 pop tarts this morning! Not just any 4, but 4 BROWN SUGAR & CINNAMON POP TARTS.

And that's how my days have been lately. Hopefully things will turn around soon.

But not likely. I just went back to the toaster because I had left the second set of pop tarts in the toaster, leaning against the side the way they do, and they fused themselves to the toaster. Looks like I'll be needing a new one of those too.

Help! Someone stole my babies!!

Last week I had a little toddler girl and a little baby boy. This week I have a big, independent, 3 1/2 year old girl and a big, 5 toothed, 14 month old boy. I'll tell you the one major flaw in the design plan of children--they keep getting BIGGER. Next thing I know they'll be asking for the keys to the car (or worse...their own car) and they'll be too embarrassed to go anywhere with me. *Not that I ever did either of those with my own parents.*

Today we went sledding. The whole way there the 'three year old formerly known as baby Alexis' kept saying, "I'm going to go down the snow hill all by myself". I thought "sure TYOFKABA, you'll take one look at it and be too scared to try it", because, I swear, that's what she would have done LAST WEEK. But what I didn't realize was that TYOFKABA no longer lives with us, she's been taken over by Big Girl Alexis, complete with underpants and everything. By the time I reached the hill, she had already gone down BY HERSELF once, and did it several more times while I was there. You could have knocked me over with a snowball! Isn't someone supposed to check with me before they grow up? I don't recall anyone asking if it was okay that they get bigger and less attached to their mom. Because I would have said "NO". Well, technically I would have said, "they may mature in the sense that they'll feed themselves, wipe themselves, dress themselves, and entertain themselves, but no, they may not grow in size and they may not EVER outgrow their mama". But no one asked, and now I have to deal with the consequences of them growing up.

And today Tyler showed up with another tooth, WITHOUT EVEN TELLING ME! He should have gotten out of bed this morning and said, "hey mom, i think I'll get another tooth now, is that alright?" Instead he decided to show the whole world while smiling, without telling his mother first.

Thankfully there are still some things they do to remind me they are still young and still occasionally need me. Some of them are nice, some not so nice.

1. Alexis still uses a pacifier at night (please don't judge me!)
2. Tyler hated sledding and screamed for an hour straight and let me hold his hand in the car on the way home.
3. Alexis could not climb the hill to go down on the sled, so I carried her up it several times.
4. Tyler is a great snuggler when he first wakes up.
5. Alexis is afraid of large scary things and runs to me to protect her (though she made the decision last night that she's no longer afraid of Santa. A few days too late.)
6. Neither of them really eat by themselves, so I/we still have to feed them for the majority of their meals.
7. Alexis will still hold my hand while we cross the street...YES!
8. Alexis thinks I'm capable of building a snow hill big enough for her to sled down.

I think the worst part about them growing up is that if I want a baby again I have to actually HAVE another baby. Pregnancy aches and pains, and that awful newborn stage...there has got to be a better way!

Pictures of those "awful newborns".

My New Years Resolution: Thwart all growing-up efforts made by my children.

proof that annoying IS genetic

My brother and his wife are in town this week, it's been a lot of fun to have them around. Yesterday my brother made an observation that I agree with. One trait that members of our family have honed almost to perfection is the ability to annoy people. Jealous? Don't worry, you can develop it to. It's not that hard really, just observe what bugs people, and then do it...a lot.

I already knew Alexis had it figured out, but apparently Tyler has too.

Me: Tyler, say "mama"

Tyler: dada

M: No, say "mama"

T: dada!

M: mmmmmma mmmmmmma!

T: dada (with a smile and a laugh)

M: come on, I've heard you say it. Just say "MA MA"

T: da-da

M: fine, say "Alexis"

T: das-dis

M: good, now say "ma-ma"

T: da-da

it WAS a merry christmas...

...but now it's over and I've got a major case of post-Christmas wintertime blues. Ugh. I just look out my window and think, "I've got at LEAST 3 more months of these useless freezing cold temperatures and the horrible 'slow-you-down' snow." And it doesn't help that I'm a paranoid snow driver, always convinced that the roads are covered in black ice, so I haven't driven faster than 15 mph in weeks. I might as well be driving one of these for as fast as I'm going:Minus the golf clubs. What's the tread like on those tires?

I shouldn't complain though because I did have a wonderful Christmas. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by my family and members of Jeremy's family. I'm not sure how I got so lucky to have first, the awesome family that I come from, but then second, to marry into another incredible family, and third, be blessed with my own amazing family. How's a girl get so lucky?

There's too many pictures to share, so here's just a few.

Does this bag of balls look like trouble to you? It did to me too, but it provided several long minutes of entertainment and wasn't too terrible to clean up (especially if you ignore all the ones that roll under the couch). I believe it even said on the instructions, "Just add laundry basket and kids for hours of entertainment".
And Santa is my hero because he brought this:
A Cinderella Barbie, the perfect combination of Disney Princesses (the thing she was obsessed with up until the week before Christmas) and anything Barbie, which is what she decided to like just before Christmas. Of course this means that now I get to hear "Mom, where's my big Cinderella's little glass shoes?" almost as many times as I hear "why?" in a day. Thanks Santa.

I gave Jeremy an air compressor, and he had no idea it was coming. It came with a set of air tools so I wrapped those up and put them under the tree, but didn't tell him there was anything else hiding at my parents house. So he opened it up and I managed to convince him that I didn't know you needed an air compressor to use them. I believe when he said they needed air I said, "oh, so do you just blow in them or something?" He believed me! I'm trying to not be offended by that.

And I got a stereo so now I can rock out in my living room and not from the computer. I'm very excited about it. One of my favorite gifts, though, was this DVD my sister made. It had a slide show with pictures of our family growing up and some funny videos from our past. It was awesome and something I'll treasure forever.

I hope everyone had just as great of a Christmas. And if you live somewhere warm, please invite me to stay with you for awhile, at least long enough for my fingers to thaw.

awesome christmas lights = free chicken

One of my most favorite Christmas traditions is driving around town to look at Christmas lights people have put on their houses. Well, this year we heard about this guy who won some nationwide KFC contest (he now gets free chicken for a year!). He has over 45,000 lights on his house that's choreographed to music. On the news (where we heard about it) they said that every night there's "dozens" of cars lined up to see it. Well, tonight there were "dozens" times 10, and we had to wait about 35 minutes before we could really see it. He lives in a gated community so they kind of patrol the line at the gate and only let a certain amount of cars in at a time. Click here to see his website that has videos of his house on it. And if you are in the area it's definitely worth the wait! He will have it turned off Christmas Eve, and I'm not sure how much longer he'll have it on after that, the website will probably say. It's free but there are donation boxes set up for the Make A Wish Foundation, so take a few bucks!

*Kids will LOVE it. Tyler was mesmerized!