do you get the blues?

Sometimes I just marvel at the color of Alexis' hair. Isn't it gorgeous?

Anyway, that's not what I was going to talk about. The winter blues have set in. BIG TIME. That's what I was going to talk about. I really hate January. Like, really, really, really, with a passion. I've been looking at the January calendar hanging on my wall, and it seems so big. Why does it have to have 31 days in it? And the really unfair part is that this year there are 5 Sundays in January! That is a long month. Don't try and tell me that it's just as long as July, because I know it's not true. There are only 4 Sundays in July this year, so there--I think I've proved my point. And that is, that January is worth hating.

Friday was a bad day. A no-good, very bad day. A day that made me cry. And Jeremy said "What do you need?"* And I said, "I don't know, I don't know what's wrong with me." And he said, "You are pregnant and it's the winter". He gets it. Well, I don't know if he gets it, but he pretends like he does and he knows it's coming. My soul needs the sunshine and the warmth. I dream about summer daily, which is really not helping my cause. I dream about days when I can do this:

(Can you tell I'm pregnant in this picture? With the T-man.)

or this:(Can you tell she's rolling down a hill? A sequence of pictures would be helpful.)

or this:(Can you tell we're roasting hot dogs in the canyon?)

and we can't forget about this:

(I think I talk enough about this that you can tell what he's doing)

We do summer right, let me tell you. But I have not figured out how to do winter right.

Anyway, Friday was the kind of day where I could just not get past myself. Myself was preventing me from doing anything productive. I had bread to make. I had laundry to fold. I had kids to play with. But I couldn't do any of it. When the winter blues hit me I don't get all depressed like, "Oh man, my life sucks. I hate everything, woe is me." Nope, I'm not the negative thoughts type. I'm more the blob type. That means I pick a spot and sit there, blob like, thinking about all the things I should do. Eventually something compels me to move, usually a child, and then 2 minutes later I pick another spot and become blob-like again, for as long as possible. And the day goes on like that. Myself gets in my way. It would almost be funny if it weren't for the fact that it isn't funny.

So what I have to do is this: Plan something. Anything. And do it in advance. If my calendar says I have to be at the post office at 10 am to mail something, I will be there. (I don't actually write stuff like that on my calendar.) Which means I have to get dressed. I have to get kids dressed, and I have to LEAVE MY HOUSE. So this week, stuff is planned--except for Friday. I better come up with something.

Also, what I have to do is take full advantage of any sunshine I see. If the sun is streaming in and resting on my couch, I must stop whatever I'm doing (even if it's being a blob) and soak in the sun for as long as it stays. That is a rule I have for myself in the winter. My brain requires sunshine as much as it requires sleep.

And also, I need to stop looking at pictures from the summer.

Finally, I need to blog more. The rambling makes me feel better, and there's only so much rambling I should subject Jeremy to.

So there you go--my ridiculous tips for surviving winter. Don't worry about me--we will make it through. Summer always comes back. And then all will be right with the world again.

Now, what should I make for dinner?


*Turns out, what I needed was a bath and a quick read of Shannon Hale's "Book of a Thousand Days". Have you read that book? You need to.

writing practice

Alexis, like any 5 year old kindergartner, is really into writing. She's getting a lot better at it and knows how to spell quite a few words by herself. She also likes to attempt to spell words and then ask later if she's spelled them correctly. Finding her hand written notes around the house is one of my new favorite things.

One day at the beginning of the school year I let her ride her bike to school and lock it up. This was a mistake because a lot of tears were shed and it took us approximately an hour to get to school, when a normal walk is about 7 minutes. Anyway, before going she made a sign for her bike to ensure that no one would take it, and then taped it to her bike.
It says, "Alexis nobody take my bike bike". And I'm fairly certain the rainbow stripes on the sign let everyone know that she meant business and was not a person they wanted to mess with.

This next one I found laying across our pillows just last week. It's very sweet, and she wrote it all by herself. The other side is a series of colorful hearts.
It says "I love you mom and dad love alexiS".

And this last one I will keep forever and is currently sitting on my kitchen counter to bring a smile to my face whenever I pass it. She wrote a thank-you note to our neighbor Bob who brought us some Christmas presents. She never actually finished the thank-you note inside the envelope, so that's one reason we won't be taking it to him. The other is because on the envelope Alexis attempted to spell his name by herself first, and then asked me how to spell it. This is an instance I'm grateful for her independence because the results are hilarious to me. See for yourself:

This note is mine to keep because I'm guessing a 70 year old man would not appreciate being called a Boob.

I hate January

This week is going to be a tough one...I can tell already. Back to a regular schedule, back to reality, back to never seeing Jeremy. And to top it all off, the snow and cold are still here! And will be for awhile, I suppose.

And I think I have a cold. A little baby one, but still, my head feels puffy. And I'm finally admitting it--I've been in denial for a few days.

So far this morning I've been having one of those days where I wonder why I made the decision to have a third child. What was I thinking? Tyler is in the throes of three-year-oldness. Which means he won't do anything you ask him to do. He won't do anything you demand him to do. And he won't do anything you threaten him to do. Also he seems to have a constant bad attitude, and he talks like a baby all day long. As in, he uses a really annoying baby voice that I can't understand. I don't get it. To top it all off, he is bored at home, but fights me whenever I try to take him anywhere. Oh three-year-olds, why can't you make any sense?

And then there is Alexis. She wanted to wear her wedding dress to school today because she wants to be a snow princess. Then she wanted to wear her denim skirt over her denim pants because "SNOW PRINCESSES DO NOT WEAR PANTS!!!". Then she wanted to wear a crown to school. Then she wanted to wear a veil. And with each new thing came ten minutes of arguing. I am not exaggerating. The girl DOES NOT listen, and I'm stumped about how to fix that.

It's been one of those days (or past few days) where I just stand there scratching my head thinking to myself, "yup, you're failing". I'm 50% convinced that I'm not actually failing as a parent, but sometimes it just really feels like it.

On a more positive note, I finally got a few pictures of our Christmas morning at my in-laws.

Waiting to see if Santa came

Dinosaurs!!

J and I made Alexis a craft box that holds all sorts of supplies since she loves to sit at the table and create. This is also a present for me because she won't be asking me for her scissors every 10 minutes. I thought she might not be too excited about this, but it turns out it was her favorite present!! See, I guess I'm not failing...

Hopefully more Christmas pictures will be coming soon. I hope the rest of you are having a better Monday than me!

Hairy 2009

It's that time when just about every blog you read has a recap of the year 2009. I'm always amazed at these because I can barely remember what happened last week, let alone 10 or 11 months ago. So in an attempt to remember, I looked back through our year in pictures. The last few months of the year were taken over by morning sickness and very few pictures were snapped, but the first part of the year had more than enough to spark my memory. While looking through these pictures I realized one thing: While not the year of the mullet, Tyler's hair has had quite a year.

So join me as I recap 2009, as it looked through Tyler's hair.

January 2009
February 2009

March 2009

April 2009
Long enough to blow in the wind, too much to be contained by a hat

May 2009
In the words of Alexis, "There's Tyler when he was a girl!", he learned to tilt his head up when he wanted to see. First real, professional haircut--also the first time I came near tears because of a haircut.

June 2009

July, August, September 2009
These months provide him a bit of respite from the hair gel and comb...but it grows back fast!

October 2009
The Mohawk returns (though not just for Halloween) and gets some color!

November 2009
Due to morning sickness, Tyler's mohawk is badly neglected. Alexis' hair takes center stage.

December 2009
Morning sickness still...gel the Mohawk once and it lasts for days and days.

It makes me wonder, what could 2010 possibly mean for Tyler's hair?

wiping bery good is hard

If you are not a mom, this might seem very weird to you. It might seem weird to you if you are.

Tyler just did the cutest thing. I was sitting here at the computer, doing my thing, while aware that he was using the bathroom. Next thing I hear is a little voice saying, "Did I wipe bery good? Did I mom?" I turn to look at him, only to see him naked from the waist down, bent over and trying to pull his butt cheeks apart for me to check. Did I mention Tyler has the cutest buns? And the way he says "bery" instead of "very" just kills me. I thought it was all so cute...

...until I investigated further to discover that he indeed, did not, wipe "bery" good.

Tell me, are you glad now that I'm blogging more? Or does this entry make you wish I'd stayed away?

goals

I know you think I'm going to post about Christmas, so I'll tell you right now, I'm not. At least I don't intend to, but you never quite know what will slip out. I'm not intending to talk about Christmas right now because I don't have any pictures...yet. All pictures were taken with other people's camera's, for which I blame my pregnancy brain and my laziness. And what's a Christmas post without pictures? So, moving on...

I've been thinking about goals lately. Blah blah, who isn't, right? It's time for resolutions, which is really just a fancy word for goals. But I cannot make year resolutions because they just don't happen for me. In fact, I would like to meet someone who actually makes a New Year's resolution and then sticks with it and accomplishes it. Please tell me if you have, I'm very interested in hearing about it.

If I were required to make a New Year's resolution for this year I would say, "This year I will give birth". That's the only one I'd set because I know that whether I like it or not, it will happen. This baby can't stay in there forever.

Anyway, because I've done so much of "nothing" lately, and because I'm starting to feel much better, I have the desire to do "something". And because I've gotten in the habit of laziness over the past few months, I know I need goals to get me moving again. But I'm only setting them on a weekly basis, sometimes even daily.

This week's goal is to exercise! Oh does my body need it. And oh is it going to be the lamest exercising I've ever done. My goal is to walk on the treadmill three mornings this week, for half an hour each time. And I don't anticipate the pace to be very strenuous. In fact, I'm fairly certain my older neighbor lady who power walks around the church parking lot several times a week will be walking faster than me. But I've got to start somewhere right?

Speaking of old ladies, I got two things for Christmas that I'm very excited about. A sewing machine and a lamp for my sewing table. A SEWING MACHINE (more on that later) and A LAMP! And I'm excited! Am I getting old or what?

Geez, there's Christmas slipping in.

Anyway, so my goal for the week is to exercise. And get the pictures from Christmas. And go to the most horrible place on earth (AKA Walmart) to return a gift. And clean my house. Those are my goals. But the only one I'm really serious about is the exercising.

I'll report back later--if I can remember to. Pregnancy brain, it's a real thing.

p.s. I meant to address this in the beginning, but you know, pregnancy brain. We got a new (to us) computer, and so hopefully all my computer woes are solved! One more thing to add on the list of signs that I'm surrounded by generous people. Really, why am I so blessed?

christmas miracle

Surprise!! I'm alive! I know my blogging has seriously slowed down, and I apologize to those of you that care. Someday I'll pick it up again, I promise. But probably not too soon because my computer currently won't turn on. How does a person survive without a computer? I know it must be possible, and I suppose I'm going to figure it out soon enough.

But I wanted to get on and wish you all a Merry Christmas!

Alexis put out green chocolate chip cookies with red milk, and reindeer food for Santa. Then she wrote a note listing what she wanted and I'm pretty sure she's going to be disappointed. I suppose now is a good time to start believing in Santa again, because I know I didn't get her a Jeep, but maybe he did.

Be back soon!

pay it forward

Here is the truth about my life these days: I do nothing. Nothing. Nothingnothingnothing. (Other than the bare necessities, you know).

So if you think there's a good excuse for me not blogging more often, does being busy doing nothing, count? Also my computer only turns on occasionally, it's being fickle.

But it's on now, and I still can't think of anything to blog about. That happens when you do nothing.

I suppose I don't technically do "nothing", the kids are alive and functioning, most of the Christmas shopping is done, and dinner sometimes gets cooked. But other than that, I do nothing. I don't call people, I don't visit people (I'm amazed I still have friends), I don't clean a whole lot, and I only go grocery shopping when I have no other choice.

But doing all this nothing has given me time to think about life and realize how blessed I am. There are a lot of you out there who care about me and my little family, and that is a blessing--especially when you show it. Services are performed for me that range from cleaning my house to calling and asking how I'm feeling, and they aren't services that I can repay. But the people doing them are not expecting that anyway. I have always been a big believer in the "paying it forward" philosophy. And when I'm done being busy doing nothing, I plan to do exactly that: pay it forward.

Doing nothing also includes not sending out a Christmas card this year, so if you are looking for it, you might as well stop. This is a more low-key Christmas for us, and I've loved it. Most especially I love reflecting on why we celebrate this time of year. I love thinking about that tiny little baby Jesus, what an important being in such a humble little body. I love to think of the people who got to see him, hold him, and witness to the spirit that surrounded him. Can you imagine if you could have been there? What would your heart feel as you got to look on his sweet little face? That same humble little baby that grew into a perfect man also performed the ultimate service for me when He died on that cross. Because He did that I have the chance to become better, everyday. I have the chance to be with my family forever, and that is the greatest thing I could ever imagine. That blessing is something I could never hope to repay, ever or ever. Fortunately I think He would be happy with the "pay it forward" philosophy as well, so maybe I should end my doing nothing streak now and start paying it forward. What do you think?

Merry Christmas!

the tree

Are you aware that this is my 300th post? I know you were counting. However, I didn't think of anything cool to do, so instead I bring you a tale about a Christmas tree. I have one very firm belief on the subject of Christmas trees, and that is that the tree MUST be real. I am immovable on the matter. However, my beliefs as to how and where the tree is acquired are shaky and go to the highest bidder, or lowest as was the case this year.

In an ideal world, we would go out to the woods with our snow boots and saw and hot chocolate and find the perfect tree, chop it down and bring it home. In a next to ideal world we would go to a tree farm that simulates the woods, where we can still pick out the perfect tree, and someone else would cut it for us. But in our current world, we went to our local Smith's Marketplace to find a tree. Awesome, huh?

Last year also wasn't ideal, and we also went to Smith's. While there I threw a fit about the tree Jeremy made me get because it was small and cheap. I wanted a tall, beautiful tree, but those cost. And last year was not an ideal year. This year is even less ideal, so as we headed out the door I told Jeremy, "This time I won't complain, I want whatever is cheap." But oh boy, had I realized last year, what we'd get this year, I may not have complained.

For days prior to getting our tree Alexis kept saying "I want to get two trees, my size." My reply was always that we would get one tree, and she would ask if it could still be her size. The emotional part of me thought how ridiculous it would be to make our one and only Christmas tree as small as her, but the logical side of me knew that it very possibly could be--because those are cheap. Said I left her with a "maybe", hoping that it would probably not be.

As soon as we got to Smith's Marketplace Alexis found her perfect tree, and it happened to be about two and a half feet tall. As she stood by admiring it, I walked down the aisle looking at trees. But her's was cheaper, and she wanted it so so so badly. Then Jeremy pointed at a tree next to it, about a foot and a half taller, and said, "What about this one, it's the same price as the short one". It was a cute tree, but it was so little. Neither Alexis nor I were convinced, but Jeremy did some fast talking and won Alexis over. It was still about as big as her, she could still reach to put the star on top, and she was still so excited, and that won me over to.

When the guys asked if we wanted that tree I couldn't help but laugh, and I've hardly stopped laughing since. The thought that our tree is as tall as our kids (though slightly taller when in the stand) is hilarious to me. The fact that it only took us two minutes to pick out a tree, because there were no others it's same size to compare it to, is hilarious to me. And as we left the store I was in fits laughing at the family that had brought several different trees in front of the bright light so they could inspect all sides of them to find the best one. Is it funny to anyone else? I don't know. But I stood there thinking, "really, this is our tree? This is as good as it gets this year?"

Then Jeremy tried to convince me to buy a $10 stand to put it in because our other one was too big, and I laughed even more. Doesn't that defeat the point of buying a cheap tree?? I let him buy the stand, but made him promise to try and put the tree in our other stand first. Like a good husband he did it, and I can return the other stand!

Finally the tree was brought into the house and we were left to determine where to put it. As a joke Jeremy suggested we put it in the middle of the room, but it was even funnier when we discovered we actually could and it wouldn't even be in the way! But we didn't. Jeremy wanted to put it on a little table we have in there, but I refused. That is just too pathetic. Or is it more pathetic that it barely reached past the window in which it is displayed in? Jeremy insisted on putting two strands of lights on it, but it could have gotten by just fine with only one.

And Alexis. Oh, Alexis is so happy. She danced around the room making up Christmas songs and making plans for that little tree. And then she put the star on top, simply by standing on a little stool, all by herself. And to see so much excitement come from her won me over to the ways of the small tree. Now I love it (but next year I may want a big tree).

So to summarize, here are the benefits of a tiny small tree, even if all the big trees are making fun of it.

1. It is incredibly easy to decorate (though we haven't yet put up ornaments, I hope it has enough room for all of them).
2. It's cute.
3. It will make it look as though we have more presents than we actually do.
4. It doesn't take a lot of water, but it still smells great.
5. It makes the kids really really happy.
6. If it gets knocked over it can't really do any damage.
7. It makes me laugh every time I look at it.
8. It came from Oregon, like me, and you can't get that in the woods of Utah.

So, if you come over you can make fun of our tree if you'd like, but I'll just laugh at you. And if you are in need of a good laugh, then come on over.

(pardon the really bad blurry picture)

We're all better off when the gingerbread boy runs away...

On Monday, Alexis brought home a gingerbread boy from school that we were supposed to decorate and return by Friday. Alexis was ready to go to town on it with her markers when I opened my big mouth and said, "Hang on, lets think about it for awhile. It might be more fun to use different things to decorate it, instead of just coloring." She agreed to think about it for awhile and we left it alone. Then, on Wednesday, we picked up her little carpooling buddy and in her hand was the cutest gingerbread boy turned girl I'd ever seen! She had a grass skirt made out of spaghetti noodles, lined with colored paper clips and a variety of other things. Since then Alexis has been wanting to make a "hula girl" (Thanks for that Chelsea!), but still I encouraged her to think of a different idea.

Let me pause here and mention that for the most part I dread doing homework with Alexis. We just don't work well together. I know I'm the adult in the situation, so that falls on me, but the girl is a tyrant. It's her way or the highway. And the highway is a long mess of loud, whiny tantrums. Do you think the gingerbread boy project is any different? No. It's the worst homework project we've yet encountered, amplified by 1000.

So this morning we finally tackle the project (because why do things ahead of time?), and she informs me that she wants to make one of three things. Either a missionary, an Indian, or a human. I guess the first two don't fit the category of the third?? Following which she declares that she wants to make Pocahontas, using fabric, complete with the one strap across the shoulder.
She passes up all the yellow and brown fabric in favor of the pink and sparkly ones--this is unlike any Pocahontas you have ever seen. We got to work, and I lasted about 15 minutes before I became too frustrated and had to leave the room. It would have taken several hours for us to finish at the rate we were going, but after I left she was done in twenty minutes. It's a simple Pocahontas Gingerbread Boy/Girl, but she is happy with it. And if I weren't such a control freak I would have realized that she was better off doing it on her own in the first place. Alexis spends her whole days creating. She'll gather her supplies, retreat to the dining room table and spend hours making whatever her imagination thinks up. Sitting there creating is probably what makes her happiest and she is always pleased with what she thinks up. So why did I feel the need to butt my big nose in in the first place? Sometimes us parents just get in the way and mess things up. And that is what I have learned today.
P.S. Meanwhile Tyler ran around playing, sans pants. This was a treat because the child always insists on wearing pants.